


One Heart, Two Souls

by LovelyxxDeathxx



Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-06 01:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11590080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyxxDeathxx/pseuds/LovelyxxDeathxx
Summary: This story focuses on Auron's time as an unsent, taking care of Tidus, and during Yuna's pilgrimage.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wasnt able to properly display the warnings, so here they are.
> 
> Blood and goor.  
> Sexual content.  
> Reference to alcohol.  
> References PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety.
> 
> This story is not for the faint hearted, I am not responsible if any misshapening occur associated to this story.

One heart, Two Souls.  
FFX Fan Fiction. 

Chapter 1.

Cold… That was just one of the things I felt. It was certainly an improvement from five minutes ago. 

Then, my lungs had filled with salt water. I remember vomiting it up with what I presumed to be blood, as it left an iron flavor in my mouth. 

What a fabulous combination. Blood and seawater. At some point, I must have hit my stomach really hard, that would probably explain the mix of blood and bile. 

But what did I have in me to care? My feelings had been washed away with a majority of my blood in the sea. The same blood that poured out of my wounds. 

The wounds that reminded me of my poor decisions, my failures, and of course, my death. Dying came to me fast, but ended so slowly. I can still feel the sick irony, as the god of the corrupt religion laughs in my face. Waiting, regenerating, plotting which of it's followers to kill next. I felt bitter, but that bitterness turned to sweet salvation and sugar coated numbness, well mentally that was. 

The right side of me hurt like hell. Something around the wounds made me hurt. Seawater maybe? No, this felt grainy. My wounds stung and my body ached. 

It seemed like every time I tried to move a muscle, it felt like the limb attached to it was being severed from the rest of my body. 

I wasn't sure what was worse, my increasing body aches? My inability to open my eyes? Or the the slight but selfish contempt I had for two people I called my best friends?

My eyes, I need to open them. I can hate myself later. I did eventually tried to open my eyes, but when I did, my right one wouldn't open. 

The blood on my eye started to clot and eventually scabbed up enough to keep me from forcing it open. 

I did manage to get my left eye open though. What I saw was… sort of dark. My good eye and bad eye stung. Using what I knew so far, it was sand that was irritating my eye and wounds. 

Somehow, I had face planted into sand. When I figured this out, I lifted my head up quickly. I had finally made it to shore. 

I wasn't sure how I ended up here, or in the middle of the ocean for that matter. 

I found myself on the beach of a coastal city. It was a big city, but it couldn't have been Bevelle.

I had been all over that city, and knew every landmark, but none of the land marks around me looked familiar. 

It didn't take me long to figure out where I was, as I noticed that it was busy with machina.

Could this be what I think this could be? Is this Jecht's Zanarkand?

This meant I was able to fulfill my promise to Jecht, but worth how I was feeling, I spat at the idea of fulfilling the promise, as I still felt contempt him and Braska leaving me behind. Leaving me alone. 

As I looked around, I noticed somehow staring at me. It was a child. He looked to be six or seven, but that was not the key thing that stood out about him. He looked like Jecht. 

The only thing I could mutter out to him was, “Who… are you?”

The boy looked at me horrified before he ran screaming. “Maaaaa!”. Instinctively, I got up quickly and grabbed his wrist, but that just made him scream more. 

“LET GO OF ME!”

“Wait! I think I know your father!”

At hearing this, the boy kept quiet. 

“Is your name Tidus?”

The boy was about to answer, but someone came out of their home. An elder looking woman she was. She shouted at us from afar. 

The whole beach was made up from boat houses, and she lived in one. 

“What's going on over there!?”

We made the mistake of looking over there, it just made her yell at us more. 

“Are you alright young boy?”

She stared at me, then decided it was fit to yell at me next. I didn't really appreciate the attention.

“You! You leave that poor little boy alone! I'll call the police!”

I had no idea what she was talking about. What was a police, or the police? I didn't stay to find out. With the little energy I had, I got up and ran. 

To my surprise, the boy followed. We eventually made it somewhere where we'd be safe to talk in private. 

“You're Jecht's son, are you not?”

The boy flinched at my question. I could tell that just his father's name made him sick.

“Everyone knows my stupid old man, what makes you SO special?”

“I knew him on a personal level. I spent three months traveling with him. We were friends. He asked me to find you and your mother.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“I'm only here to bear news of your father to you and your mother, and to help out with you as needed.”

“That doesn't answer my question.”

“Look, it's hard to explain. I just need you to trust me, after all, I must be the only one with any information at all regarding your father, am I right?.”

There was silence among us. The boy did finally reply after a couple minutes. All though it was monotone, out was the answer I hoped for. 

“Fine.”

I followed him as he guided me to his home. He lived in a fancy little boat house, perfect for a small family of three. 

Despite it being a nice, sunny day, there seemed to be something dark and unbecoming of the bright, little house. 

The sound of the child's voice snapped me out of my daze. 

“I'm going to go get my mom, wait here.”

He opened the door, the inside looked unwelcoming. The boy continued into the dark pit of despair called a doorway. I had to advert my attention to something else to keep myself from running in after him, as I was terrified of what may have been lurking in abyss.

I caught the eyes of the neighbors next door. They were a young, attractive couple. Looks of terror formed on their faces, so like Tidus. 

Was my condition really that revolting? As I continued to think about it, the smell of rotten flesh wafted from my body.

I looked down at my decomposing wounds to see that I was squirting blood everywhere as that people next door were watching and reacting. It had occurred to me that my condition was that bad. 

My focus was interrupted with Tidus’s return. He walked over to me, but I kept my eyes glued to the dark corridor, waiting, expecting a beautiful woman to illuminate the dark vibes I was getting from interior. Besides, Jecht was supposedly the best blitzer in Zanarkand, and maybe even the world, he would have to have a wife prettier than any of the gorgeous women who flocked to him at the end of the game, or anywhere he was seen. 

Finally, a wisp appeared in the doorway. What I saw left me in shock and aww. It was a woman, she would have been beautiful if it wasn't for a couple issues.

Unlike a normal person who emerges in order of a silhouette to a full human body. She starred as a wisp and came out a silhouette.

She was freakishly skinny, her skin stretched across her body like tight clothing. From a literal standpoint, she looked like flesh and bones. 

You could see every curve of her skeletal system. The woman was as pale as a ghost. She looked very sickly, almost as if you even slightly touched her, she would shatter. 

However, what stood out about her the most was her eyes. They were a shiny, bright, blue, yet appeared to be incredibly dull. 

She had darkly outlined bags under her eyes as if she never slept. She looked like the creation made by a depressed artist who felt like spilling their feelings onto the paper.

Her eyes were glazed over like freshly cut glass. She looked like someone who would smile a lot, but not as of now. The one thing the glimmer in her eyes and her smile had in common other than being beautiful. Gone. 

Disappeared with Jecht himself, kept in the pocket of his chaos torn pants, as he walked to his demise in the hands of the culprit himself, as he would turn a small family of three into a smaller family of two, leaving it in shambles. 

It was very clear she herself was lying on a deathbed, created by her husband's absence and her inability to go on. Her death would be by her own weak, trembling hands. The woman in her frail state spoke. 

“I'm sorry, I can't help you. We don't have any medical supplies to take care of you with.”

“That's not why I'm here ma’am.”

“Oh? My son said differently.”

We both stared at the boy. He replied to his unwanted attention. 

“Hey, someone had to say it. You look like a walking corpse.”

His mother of course didn't approve of his comment. 

“Tidus! That's impolite, apologize.”

He hung his head low in reaction to the unwanted reaction before he spoke again. 

“... Sorry.”

“It's not a problem.”

His mother's focus shifted back towards me now. 

“Why are you here then?”

My heart dropped. I wasn't ready to make things worse, but I made a promise. 

“I've come bearing unfortunate news… I'm here to inform you that your husband's death has been confirmed… I'm sorry for your  
loss.”

She fell to the ground shrieking. 

“I knew he was gone, but no one ever found his body! Knowing this, I believed he wasn't dead, that he'd come back to us, my sweet, sweet Jecht! That's been my only hope for months!”

I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn't sure what I could do for her. She had just lost her husband. Although I was also grieving his death, I didn't have it in me to cry. 

Looking down at Jecht's wife, I could tell deep down, her heart bleed sorrow, rage, and love. Love that was clearly not reserved for her son. 

He tried to go comfort his mother, but when he did, she just about snapped his head off clean. 

“Mommy, it'll be alright-”

“DON'T TOUCH ME!”

She harshly ripped her hands from her son's gentle grasp. I was stunned to see how she treated him. Tidus began to cry, but it only managed to make matters worse for him. She replied with venomous words. 

“Grow up and stop crying! You're being pathetic! You HATE him! You said so yourself, so why are you crying!?”

She clearly had a short fuse. The boy cowered. He wiped his tears at his mother's command. He stayed long enough to glare at me, then stomped into the house and slammed the door behind him. 

I wanted to tell her the way she was treating her son was wrong, but I couldn't risk her taking offence to what I would say and not let me see him again, so I kept quiet. 

Yet again, I kept my eyes attached to the door, while recognizing the so called fruits of my labor. 

They were rotten and stunk of failure. A sad and emotionally abused son and a distant mother, that's what was gained. 

His mother whispered random words, they sounded of suicide. I looked to find her skin even more tightly stretched across her skull as her eyes got big. 

Suddenly the air begun to fill with a bad smell, something other than rotten flesh. It was urine. 

I looked below the woman to find a dark yellow puddle under her feet, and a wet spot on her jeans. You could tell she didn't drink much water by the discoloration of her… nevermind, too much detail. 

I was shocked at the site, and also disgusted. I've had to bear news of fallen comrades to their families numerous times in the past, but I've never gotten this kind of reaction before. 

I didn't think grief pissing one's self was anything more than a tale the higher ups told the cadets to disturb them in the warrior monks, but she did so. 

I find it funny that this had to happen with the wife of my goner of a best friend. I guess life decided since it was a special occasion, that the reaction had to be equally special. Simply put, a godly, almighty, “Fuck you” from the world to me. 

I'm horrible with emotions, I always have been. I watched as wet puddles of tears ran down her face powerless. 

Not too long afterwards, she had passed out. I hadn't noticed, but when I looked away earlier, Tidus had pulled up a stool and watched us from the window of the door. 

It took him awhile to move the stool and come outside, but he finally did. He came at me, pushing, hitting, and screaming. 

“GET AWAY FROM MOMMY!”

He growled at me as I restrained him. I got him inside and locked him in his room long enough to get his mother inside. 

I couldn't just leave her to lay in a puddle of her own filth, so I picked her up and took her to the bathroom. 

I let Tidus out, asked him if he could help me get his mother cleaned up. After enough fussing, he agreed to help. 

There were many weird contraption in the bathroom, but I got her unclothed, and put her in the one that looked closer to a bath. 

I wasn't surprised to see that she looked entirely like a skeleton. However, I couldn't help but stare at her bony structure. 

Of course, when Tidus came in, he took my intentions to be impure. 

“Stop staring at mommies chest, you creep.”

“That wasn't what I was looking at, I swear!”

“Uh Huh… sure.”

“I promise! She's just… really skinny.”

“Mommy doesn't eat like she used to. She doesn't really eat at all. The doctor told her she needed to start eating more, or she would get sicker, but she never listened. I try to get her to eat, but she won't eat for me!”

He sounds like a mother himself, complaining about trying to get the children to eat right. He stared at me quietly as if he was waiting for something. I wasn't sure what he wanted from me. 

“Aren't you going to turn the water on?” He said snarkily.

I wasn't sure how this thing worked, I turned the left knob hesitantly. His mother began to shiver uncontrollably. The boy put his hand in the water. 

“It's cold genius! No wonder she's freezing!”

I turn the left knob back to its starting point, turning the water off, then I turn the right knob. I saw steam coming up, so I automatically thought a win for me, but then she flinched in discomfort. 

He sticks his hand in a second time, but pulls back immediately. 

“Ow!”

He looked up at me and scowled.

“Are you trying to cook her?! You're hurting Mommy!”

“I'm really sorry!”

“No! Just get out!”

I fulfill his wishes and go out to look around for a fresh towel and a set of clothing. It doesn't take Tidus long to call me back in there. He has me watch over her long enough to go grab some things. Tidus comes back with some rubbing alcohol, duct tape and some napkins. 

“Stay still!”

“Why?”

“Well, I have to patch you up! I can't just have you bleeding everywhere! You're cleaning the blood up by the way, especially on the carpet, if you don't, mom will be maaaad!”

“That's noted, but are you sure using duct tape and napkins is a good idea?”

“Are you being ungrateful?”

I kept quiet. Duct tape and napkins were at least something. That and probably a better alternative than the local hospitals. Them trying to get my medical records would have been one giant headache all together. 

I watch him and cringe at the sting of him stumping a lot of rubbing alcohol on my wounds. I had to bite my lip to keep myself from cursing up a storm. Seriously? Did this kid have no restraint? No idea how painful rubbing alcohol is?

He eventually moved on to putting the fabric napkins on me and tapping the wounds up. 

“You're very lucky mom was talking about throwing these out, or else I would have used paper napkins... But still, keep those hidden just in case.”

“Duly noted.”

He finally did finish, and to my surprise, his method wasn't all that shabby. The bleeding stopped, and the wounds were cleaned. My only issue is that he taped my wounds entirely to keep the napkin concealed, this is going to hurt to pull off later.

I continued looking around for what I needed. I didn't take me long, I found her clothes in her dresser, I avoided the panty and bra drawer entirely, I already had taken her out of her clothes and had to put her back in them, I wasn't about to be the guy to look through her potentially sexually arousing undergarments. 

I was making my way down the hall to the bathroom when Tidus comes running my direction. I knew something had to be wrong.  
“Quick! Help me! Mommies head went under the water and I can't get her up!”

I run into the bathroom quickly and pull her up from the water. If I'd waited any longer, she would have drown. I sit her up long enough to put the towel and clothes down, then hold onto her and kept her head above the water long enough for Tidus to finish cleaning her up. 

Afterwards, Tidus grabbed her dirty clothes and stuck them in one of the two matching machina. I would later find out that they were a clothing washer and dryer. 

I drained the automatic bath and took my time drying her off properly, then put her clothes back on her and carried her to her bed, then I tucked her in. 

By the end of this, I stunk of not only rancid flesh and body odor, but a touch of urine. I considered using the bath, but it wasn't my place to do so without permission, so I just left it alone. 

Tidus and I sat on the deck quietly. It was an hour before he went in to check on his mother. I could tell he was worried. 

When he came back out, we spoke briefly, but the awkwardness turned to silence after the following conversation. 

“Is your mother alright?”

“Why do you care?”

His words were cold and untrustworthy. What I said next probably didn't help matters any. 

“I wouldn't know what to do if she dies.”

“Don't say she's going to die!”

"I'm sorry."

After a while, we went back inside. There, he spoke to me for a second time. I wasn't off the hook just yet. I was to be thoroughly investigated by a seven-year old. First a doctor, next a detective. This kid has quite the future ahead of him. 

“Why were you sent here by my father?”

“I was sent here to bear news off your father's passing, also to help out with you if necessary, in other words, your father's will.”

“... How did he die?”

“He died a hero's death-”

“Don't call my father a hero! He's not!”

There was a pause of silence between us. A few seconds later, I heard shuffling coming down the hallway. I watched as the thin lining of his mother appeared from within the shadows. Instantly, I got up, my first instinct being to guide her back to her room. 

The woman wobbled when she stood, there was no reason for her to be standing. 

When we got back to her room, she said she wanted to talk to me in private, so I shut the door. That was a big mistake. 

“You knew my husband, didn't you?”

“Yes, we were good friends.”

“So you too know my sadness, how much I miss him so?

“...Yes.”

The silence was brief between us. I was so sick of it, who would've thought it would have been a good thing if it continued on? Her hands started shaking. I thought she might be crying, but she looked to me, there were no tears upon her. I was wrong, it was the exact opposite. She giggled before she spoke. No wife currently grieving over a dead spouse giggles.

“You've seen me naked, haven't you?”

She moved closer to me and put her hand on me in a romantic gesture. 

“What was your name, sir?”

“A-Auron.”

I was extremely flustered by her advances on me. 

“Tell me Auron, did you like what you saw?”

“Where are you going with this?”

“I'm grieving, you're grieving, it wouldn't be wrong if we sought comfort from each  
other.”

She leaned in to kiss me, but I pulled away. 

“I'm sorry, but I can't! You're Jecht's wife dammit! I can't do that to him!”

It was clear she was desperate to fill the void in her heart where her husband's love should be. She moved herself into my lap. 

“Please? You're my only salvation. Only you can save me from myself. Misery enjoys company, you know? Besides, I'll make it worth your while. I'll suck your-”

That was it, I didn't even hesitate to get up. Unfortunately, I said something I shouldn't have out of discomfort

How many men have you said that to!?-”

I wanted to end the sentence with, “Whore”, but I didn't get a chance to, as I fell backwards. I had slipped on something and hit my head against the wall. My head was bleeding.

Lucky for me though, seeing that, she discarded the comment. She tried to help me, but she was too weak. 

I eventually got up on my own. She looked at me real solemnly. 

“I'm really sorry.”

Her voice was small and shaky. I played it nice, looked up at her and gave her a hint of a smile. I was preparing to leave as I was probably unwanted at this point. 

“I should be going, but I’ll be back in the morning to discuss Jecht's will with you… you should probably get some rest.”

“Yes, thank you for your help today.”

I nodded my head at her. 

“You have a good night ma’am.”

“You too.”

I was getting prepared to leave, when I saw Tidus sitting by the door, reading his book.

I bent down and put out my hand to shake it. 

“I'm Auron by the way, nice to meet you Tidus.”

The boy looked up at me with discontent, then went back to reading his book. 

“Good night.” I had said before walking out the door. He said nothing back. With a quick sigh, I walked out being confident that my place there was finalized. Unwelcome I was. Not like I really was wanted from the start. 

I walked all through Zanarkand a good part of the night. I didn't really have anywhere to go. Besides, I had a lot on my mind. I was disgusted with myself. I led Jecht's wife on. It wasn't intentional, but it did happen. Why would she do that to him? How could she? It was pretty close to morning when I found a spot in an alleyway to crash out in. 

I wanted to sleep, but something about sleeping in the streets in a busy city was not appealing to me, so I wasn't able to sleep. Lucky for me though, Morning came quickly, and I needed to leave early anyways. I was on the other side of town. 

It didn't really help my cause any thinking about the events that played out last night. All I could really do was put it the back of my mind and be there to be professional. Talk business. Nothing more. 

I knocked on the door. Tidus answered the door. When I came in, I sat down on the nearest couch. 

“Where's your mother?”

“She's asleep. She left very late last night and didn't get back until early in the  
morning.”

“When did she leave last night?”

“She left at three a.m. and didn't get back until five. She woke me up to lock the door.”

What was she thinking?

“So, what are you and my mom going to talk about?

“Your father's will.”

“What is a will? The old lady next to us tells mom often of how the other people next door are trying to get on my mom's good side, so they can claim me, get the will, and keep it for themselves.”

Tsk. Vultures. 

“I don't like them though, they're mean to me.”

“Don't worry, if things play out right, they won't be a problem, just wait and see.”

“But, what is a will?”

“A will is usually a lump sum of cash you receive when someone dies, that is if you are put on the will. The money is what is left behind in savings that belonged to the deceased. A will could be anything, money, belongings, or sometimes a demand. A demand happens to be your father's case.”

A sad look appeared on his face. 

“Why does everyone think mom is going to die?”

“She seems… very sick.”

“Yeah, but she's fine! She has to be! Sick people eventually get better! She has to as well, right?”

“Yes, but that's not always the case, some people don't get better at all.”

“She's not some people! Mommy will get better, I know she will!”

The boy's face gleamed with an innocent smile at the idea of his confidence. He's just a little angel. At that moment, I didn't just want to guard his life, I wanted to guard his heart. 

The conversation was through, when a woman's voice cut into it. 

“Tidus!”

I looked to find his mother standing in the entrance of the hallway. 

She scowled at him, he reacted by cowering. The poor boy looked like a deer that had just been scared off with bright lights. My heart melted instantly for him. What did the poor kid do this time? I wondered. She spoke again and in a scolding manner.

“Why didn't you wake me up when he got here?”

“You were sleepy last night mommy, so I didn't want to wake you up.”

“What did I tell you?”

“I'm sorry.”

“We have important things to discuss! I told you to wake me up when he got here!”

She looked over to me worth a more welcoming stare than her poor son. I looked over to him. He had picked up a book and started reading. With a gesture from his mother, I followed her back to her room. 

She had a bunch of papers cluttered on one desk. Out was an old thing and looked Just as fragile as her. The legs looked like they were about to snap under the weight of the desktop if you poked it too hard. A fragile desk for a fragile woman. 

“Sorry. I know my room is a mess. You had me really thinking last night, so I made a trip to mine and Tidus’s social worker downtown at three. I didn't make it back till five in thirty in the morning. Let me tell you, people don't joke when they say,  
“Zanarkand never sleeps.” I was surprised to find the office still open and or social workers filling out papers, doing some overtime.”

“I heard. You left your son alone?”

“I told him to lock the door, it wasn't the first time I left him alone. Don't worry.”

“I am going to worry because it's dangerous to leave your seven-year old child at home, by himself, at three o'clock in the morning, for two hours! Should I go into the many scenarios of which things could have gone terribly wrong!?

I couldn't help myself. I had to yell. She was being entirely reckless with her child, not realizing how delicate he actually was. 

“I'm glad you care so deeply for my son as you do.”

“Can we talk about this later? We need to discuss your husband's will.”

“I need you to take custody of my son when my time here is up.”

“Wha-”

“I know this is sudden, I believe you knew my husband well, and you may be the only person I can trust. You get my will and this house. Everything you need to take care of him is provided. The only other person I can trust with this task is an old and disabled woman and she can't take care of him, and the other people next door only want the money. They will put Tidus in foster care the first chance they get. I know you think I'm a horrible mother, but you have to believe me when I say I really do love my son. I don't want him in the hands of people who don't care about him. You will though, I can tell. You're already attached. So will you take him?”

“... I will take him, that is Jecht's will and I'll fulfill it.”

“Thank you… We should get started, these papers aren't going to fill themselves out.”

We went straight to it. Thirty minutes in, and she began to doze off. 

I tried to get her to lay down for a bit, but she refused. 

“Really, if you're tired, you should try to sleep.”

“No. These papers need to be finished. And even then, I have an eternal rest coming my way.”

“We're halfway through, there's no harm in taking a break.”

“But if I lay down, there's no guarantee I'll wake back up either.”

She had a point, in order to become Tidus’s guardian, I had no choice but to fill these papers out.

Some odd minutes past by, and we had finished filling out everything. I was finally able to get Tidus’s mother back to bed. I felt no reason to stay, so I grabbed my sword and started heading towards the door. When I was walking by the kitchen, something caught my eye.

Tidus was trying to reach a box of crackers sitting on the counter, he wasn't quite tall enough to reach them, but he kept trying. It had occurred to me that he hasn't eaten all this time. I searched the cupboards for a plate until I eventually found one. I took the crackers and put them on a plate for him, then rummaged through the freezer box to get the stuff to make him a sandwich. 

I made him two sandwiches, one for now, and another for later in case his mom didn't wake up for the rest of the day, or too sick to make him anything. We sat together while he ate. 

“Not too shabby?” I'd ask. 

“Nope!”

His answer was muffled, but his head movements showed approval. After he finished eating, I resumed my departure. I was heading to the door when he ran up behind me and put his arms around me.

“Thank You for the sandwich Auron! Bye!”

I was flustered, I wasn't used to embrace, so it seemed normal of me to react. When my face cleared up, I turned to him and smiled. 

“You're welcome, kiddo. See you around.”

I walked out this door, but something was trying to pull me back. It was as if the whole house was going to blow up and be disintegrated with everyone in it if I didn't turn back around. 

I left that night, but I felt I had made a big mistake, and at a critical moment too. When I learned of this mistake, I had never been so scared in my life. 

I always took my sword everywhere with me. I didn't plan to ever stop. But tonight, I regretted taking it at all. I was heading back to my hiding spot on the other side of town. It was late at night when I had been close to making it back. Bevelle isn't nearly as big as Zanarkand. Another mistake I made was betting in a dark alley alone. 

I was walking, when someone passes by me. We bumped shoulders. I didn't think much of it until pain started increasing in my side, and the man passed me. I looked down to find blood spilling out of my waist. When I looked back at the man, I saw him standing there with a bloody knife. He stood there waiting for me to fall. When I didn't fall, he went for round two. I didn't have the means to fight. I was weak from blood loss. He came up to me and shanked me four more times before I fell. He flipped me over, took my sword of of my back, and ran. I laid there as blood seeped out of my mouth and stomach. I was very lucky someone walking by found me and decided to get help. 

I woke up in a hospital, the last place I wanted to be, but it was better than lying, bleeding in an alleyway. I didn't stick around though. I snuck out while the doctor wasn't looking. That situation would have been a lot stickier of I hadn't left. The only thing I heard of my diagnosis was that I was lucky to be alive. Heh. Alive huh?

I tried making my way back to the house from the hospital, but I got lost a couple times. But eventually landmarks began to familiar. I figured it may have been a while since that incident, so it seemed best to go check on the family. 

To my surprise, those plans quickly changed. Instead, Tidus found me. It had turned out that he had been looking for me for two days.  
He saw me and his eyes begun to fill with tears. I kid you not, I had never seen such trauma in a child's eyes. He started bawling his eyes out.

“Tidus, what are you doing here? What's wrong?”

It was hard to make out what he said, but when I did finally interpret it, it left me in shock. 

“MOMMIE’S DEAD! SHE WAS BLEEDING IN THE BATH TUB! I TRIED TO GO TO THE PEOPLE NEXT DOOR, BUT THEY REFUSED TO HELP! I TRIED TO GO TO THE OTHER LADY, BUT NO ONE WAS HOME!”

I held the boy close, soothing him to the best of my ability. What was she thinking? Didn't she consider the consequences of her actions? Did she not consider the fact that her son would find her?

I had come to the conclusion that she had planned this all out. That's why she wanted to ensure that the papers got done before the end of the day. She even clued in with mentioning, "The Eternal Death." 

I picked Tidus up and began the long walk home. When we did get back, I took him straight to his room. I covered his eyes, so that he didn't even have to see the bathroom door. I had planned to feed him, then get the mess cleaned up. 

I made him something quick as he hadn't eaten in a day. I brought the food to his room along with a cup of water. He must have been dehydrated as he cleared a whole cup in five seconds. I went to get him another cup. 

By the end of lunch, he hadn't eaten much. He was too traumatized. Tidus had started to lie down. 

“Auron?”

“Yes sweet thing?”

“Mommy used to sing lullabies for me every time I couldn't sleep. Could you please sign something for me?”

“Yeah, sure kiddo.” 

I smiled down at him before I started. I hummed a little tune for him and caressed his cheek until he fell asleep. He must have been thinking of his mother, he was crying in his sleep. 

I about cried for the first time since I had died. I couldn't imagined being exposed to the same thing he was at such a young age. I Don't know if I could do it now. 

I then went to the bathroom to see what damage had been done. It looked like a murder scene in there. The scene was horrific. 

There was vomit in the toilet. My guess from Tidus when he saw this. There was pieces of the sandwich I had made him the night before. It made me angry knowing this was what he was exposed to. 

The water was bloody, blood all over the walls. She slit her wrists, and when that didn't kill her fast enough, she went straight for the fatal blow. She slit her throat, and her windpipe most likely filled with blood. Most likely died from blood loss or asphyxiation.

She tried to make it some what pleasant. The smell of bath salts and essential oils mixed with the smell of death. She lit a few bath candles. Her hair was done up, she did her makeup, and she wore a beautiful white dress, what a shame out was that the dress was stained with blood.

I went into her room to see if she left any kind of note. When I went inside, I found an envelope with a note in it, sitting neatly on top of the file folder with the will and custody papers in it all organized. The folder laid also nearly on the bed. 

I read through the note. 

“ Dear Auron

I'm sorry, but I couldn't go on like this anymore. I went sleepless and didn't have the energy to keep going without my husband there with me. Jecht was the one person who truly made me happy, my one true love. But it's ok, if you're reading this, I'm with him now and I'm happy. Tell Tidus, my son, that I love him, and that we'll meet again one day. Maybe then we can be a happy family. I think you'll be a good father for him. I could tell that you started to truly care about him. By the door, there are two buttons. Push the red one, and everything will go smoothly from there.”

I followed the demands on the letter. The paramedics came soon afterwards. I saved them some time and told them it was a suicide. One of the paramedics kindly showed me how the buttons worked. One was to call paramedics, the other was too call police. Both are helpful. 

The body was soon removed, and I was prepared to do some heavy duty cleaning. I started out by draining the bloody bath water. I took out my prayer beads and began to chant a prayer. The warrior monk's method of cleansing an area of pyreflies took longer, but was just as effective as a sending.

I watched and chanted in terror and grief as I watched pyreflies raise from the bath. What scared me the most was that that gathers into the shape of a dead body lying down. Almost as precisely as how Tidus’s mother had laid. It was like the body hadn't actually been removed. 

Afterwards, I cleaned the bath thoroughly. I did not want any blood to remain afterwards as it was already going to be difficult to bathe Tidus in here in the future. 

I didn't leave that night. I stayed on the couch. It surprisingly passed right out. I must have been beat from everything that had been going on with me recently. Dying, dealing with emotionally abusive and suicidal mother while she was grieving over her dead husband, grieving over her dead husband because he was my friend, dealing with a boy with trust issues. I had been through a lot. 

I noticed that I had mentioned being surprised a lot. Maybe because Zanarkand was full of surprises, rather they were good or bad. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the boy himself. He woke up to go to the bathroom, but came in here instead. He was traumatized by the fact that his mother wasn't here anymore. I couldn't tell if he was better of seeing the corpse, or not seeing the corpse. 

“Where's mommy!? Where's mommy!?”

He kept saying that over and over again and he was crying. I pulled him into my arms and whispered to him how everything was going to be ok. 

“Where's mommy!? Where's mommy!? I can't find her, where is she!?-”

“It's ok. It's going to be alright. Mommie’s in a better place now.”

He ended up staying with me for the rest of the night. The next day, Tidus’s social worker had payed us a visit. He was surprised when I didn't hesitate to hand him the papers. What do you know, more surprises. 

“ So, let's go over where Tidus will be  
going -”

I put the custody papers right down on the table. He looked at me like I was a mad man. 

“Sir, you do understand he's going to most likely have issues after what he's seen, right?

“Yes, and he'll recieve the proper counseling. I will make sure of it.”

“Are you prepared to raise a child for eleven years?”

I looked at the man with more confidence than I've ever had since the end of the pilgrimage. I looked him straight in the eye and said,

“Yes, I've never been more sure.”

End of chapter 1

Chapter 2 coming soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

It had been a progressively better three months since Tidus’s mother's passing. I've been taking him to see a therapist, as he was often having behavior issues. 

He went back to school two weeks ago, and there hasn't been a day where the school hang called me about him acting up in class. 

Tidus at one point had to be taken out of class. He pushed a kid, because the student picked on him for not knowing he was an orphan, and what an orphan was to begin with. 

When the teacher called him out on his disrespectful behavior, he called the teacher a bitch, and told her to shut the hell up. 

Of course he got he got a proper punishment when he got home, but nothing to severe since it really wasn't his fault. He was angered easily, and being a seven year old, didn't know how to properly deal with the matter. 

He was the same way at home as well. He would argue with me on everything. I would say the grass was green and he'd come back with, “No it's not! It's pink!” He also had a real bad habit of telling me how much he hated me, and that I was as bad as his father. But that was only the tear flavored icing on the metaphorical and emotional cake.

I was beginning to have emotional issues of my own, plus some physical ones as well. After day four of being in Zanarkand, I stopped sleeping entirely. I kept having this same nightmare over and over, every time I closed my eyes.

In my dreams, I sat in a dimly lit room. I want entirely there, in fact, I had gone insane. I looked down to find myself standing in a pile of entails and body parts. I saw blood all over the walls. There was a hacksaw hanging on the wall, it to was covered in blood, but chunks of flesh also clung to it as well. 

I had no idea of who the organs belonged to, not until I looked to see what was in my hands, I had Jecht's head in one hand and Braska's in another. I had realized what I had done and begun to laugh uncontrollably. 

The weirdest part about this whole dream was that I was looking at it through someone else's eyes. A little boy's. Tidus. In his eyes, I could see him look over to find Yuna standing next to him, she was crying, but Tidus, he laughed, he laughed with me.

I would wake up, and be sitting up in the matter of seconds, inhaling and exhaling heavily. It took me awhile to feel like I was back in my own body again, I would stare down at my hands to make sure they weren't those of a child.

Other points in time, I was confident that I had possibly developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It was commonly triggered by loud noises that seemed out of place, like explosions or something of that nature. 

That day Braska vanquished Sin, he was killed. Period. The fate of all summoners who complete their pilgrimage.

It was the brutality of his death that shook me to the core with terror. It was quick, no way to defend, unnoticed until it was too late. I was defending against some sinspawn in the back of him, when I heard a loud boom. 

The shock wave sent me flying forwards. When I got up and turned around, I saw that Sin had been killed, I could still remember the screeches of pain coming from it. Sin was dead and Jecht had killed Braska. 

The final summoning had succeeded, now it was time to pay the price of blood. It turned towards Braska's direction. The aeon brought its sky scraping sword down on Braska, cutting right through him. 

Braska was just standing there, the blade being the only thing holding up. The blood was at an angle and his bloody upper half stuck to the sword, the bottom half of him was lodged into the bottom cramped space under the blade. I tried to call his name, but I ended up uttering complete nonsense.

“ Ugh ahh!”

I was in complete shock. I ran to him just in time to catch his upper half as Jecht, no that thing, that thing couldn't be Jecht. As that thing pulled its sword from its place and disappeared. Blood poured from Braska's mouth, and his grip around my hands was strong, but weakening. I tightened mine, hoping it would keep him hear, that he wouldn't leave me. 

He mouthed something, his pain made it impossible to speak. He gave me a bloody toothy smile, tears in his bright blue eyes. They son went dull and his pulls left him. 

I closed his eyes, putting him to rest for good. “Thankyou.” That was what he was trying to say, Thank You. I sobbed so hard. I just watched one of the two people I loved, that I considered my brother, kill the other. I was all alone. My brothers, gone. 

Every time I would hear the loud noises, I would fall to the ground, rocking back and forth, crying, biting myself till I bled, begging for death. Funny, something I already was. 

I often thought about rather or not I should see a therapist, but it was deemed too risky. My fear was that I would be considered not competent enough to raise a child, and for that would have Tidus removed from my care. 

With mental issues, physical ones followed. Eating was impossible. I would throw it back up only moments after. My digestive system wasn't processing food well, and eventually I stopped eating altogether, about the only thing I could consume, mainly because my mind was set that every drop was worth it, was heavy booze. Scotch, ale, whiskey, tequila, rum, etc. etc.

I had to be gentle though, as I didn't want to be drinking around Tidus, as I knew that often was a sore spot for him. 

My last but biggest problem was my injuries. They had all become infected, and they started to… smell. That and duct tape was literally the only thing holding me together. I guess I would have to rely on Doctor Shortstack to patch up my wounds, because a trip to the hospital comes with the same risk as a trip to the therapist. 

Questions would run around in my head to evaluate the many possible yet horrific scenarios. How long would they keep me? Would Tidus be alright? Would they take him away from me? Would they find out I'm dead?

To much was at stake, and that boy’s comfort was always to come before mine, therefore I stayed put.

Tidus had become an emotional reck. We often had it out, but he had a bad tendency of becoming violent. A majority of the arguments ended with me restraining him.

I walked him to school everyday and came back to get him after. One day I had to go pick a few things up from a nearby market, and I figured Tidus would rather hang out with some of his friends after school rather than go grocery shopping with me. So I did the shopping first.

Tidus’s school ran an after school program for kids whose parents work, for running errands, or just simply for alone time. But when I got to the playground, Tidus wasn't there.

I asked the adults in charge, but they said I had told him to go ahead and walk himself home. In a complete and utter panic, I ran as fast as I could straight for home. I bolted into the house, went right to his room, and found him just laying there on the bed reading a blitzer magazine.

I sighed in relief that he was at home and safe, then anger started to push it's way through.

“ Why didn't you wait for me at the playground?”

He looked up at me like I was speaking gibberish or some foreign language before he finally replied.

“I wanted to walk home by myself.”

My face brightened a shade darker than the red it already was from the amount of running I had done in reaction to the boy’s careless reply.

“Do you have any idea of how much you scared me?”

“Why does it matter?”

“Why does it matter!? I ran five blocks to make sure you weren't dead! Do you know how dangerous Zanarkand is?! My second day there, I got stabbed in an alleyway! You NEVER walk alone!”

“Well maybe I don't want you walking me home anymore!”

The anger just grew more and more.

“Excuse me!?” 

I had a quick temper when it came to carelessness. I wouldn't put up with it from Jecht, I certainly won't with his seven year old that I had promised to protect. Anyways, what was his-

“What is your problem? What did I ever do to you, that it would make you put your own life at risk just to avoid me?!”

“You're dirty, stinky, and you never shower! The other kids pick on me because they can smell you from a mile away! Everyone hates me because of you! I hate you!”

What he said… it made me realize, that even in my state of being, I was way to under pampered. He was right, I never showered, because even just the steam of the water made my flesh crawl with pain from every wound it touched. I had become weak.

Normally I would have shook that pain off and keep going, but now I didn't have it in me to do so anymore. It had also occurred to me that the cashier at the market was looking at me like I was some mangy wild animal. It probably didn't help matters any that I smelt like one.

If I looked at myself in the mirror, I wouldn't see my young self anymore. Bits of hair had turned gray, my eyes were glazed over from depression and sleep deprivation. Dark bags enhanced the look of said sleep deprivation. I was dangerously skinny, and I was extremely pale. I was very cold, it didn't matter how much I bundled up, my body would never feel right.

My entire body was grotesque and disgusting, and It was causing poor Tidus problems at school. As if he didn't have enough.

“GET OUT! LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Tidus, I'm so sorry.”

In a fit of rage, he head butted me in the stomach, then pushed me out the door.

“Tidus, please!”

I tried to reach out to him through the doorway, to try to make amends, but that proved to be a really, really bad idea. Tidus smashed my hand in the door when he slammed it. I pulled my hand from the door frame quickly, as my hand began to swell and turn red. The pain was excruciating, but it was very quick in subsiding.

When I pulled my hand away long enough to hear the click of the door. I wasn't about to bother him, he needed time from me. His world would be closed off to me for a little while if not the whole night.

After that little incident, I didn't hesitate to take a shower. Every inch of my body stung when it came into contact with the soap. Dried and wet blood washed down the drain, I would have to clean that up later. Although everything else hurt, the warm water proved to actually be very soothing.

The smell of the soap was familiar. It had to have been what Jecht used. I found it kind of funny that a manly man like him would use women’s soap. I guess it was his way of keeping his wife close. Like a girlfriend stealing their significant other’s clothes. It was just something he did to keep his wife close when she wasn't there with him.

I considered it my new way of keeping him near. Although it helped me emotionally, it didn't do so good on the hygienic aspect of things. I still smelt distinctly like decaying flesh. There was a container of cologne sitting on the bathroom sink counter, I used a little, and after that, nothing could be smelt.

It didn't occur to me until it was too late to do anything about it, I forgot to pick up medical gauze. I guess I would have to use duct tape one last time, at least until I could make it to the market tomorrow.

After cleaning up the bathtub, I was quick to start dinner. I decided to make Tidus his favorite dish for the night as a way to apologize for my weaknesses. I didn't really have much of an appetite, so I let him know dinner was on the table, then went to my room. He probably still needed to be left alone anyways, so it was best to let him eat in peace.

I kept up my daily routine of showering early mornings, so Tidus could continue to bathe in the night time. Eventually the pain stopped. I would shower, put cologne on, and call it good. I would repeat the next day. Even though I had changed my ways, something still seemed to be bothering him.

I was walking with him, making our way towards his school. Tidus stopped complaining about the smell, but he was still angry.

I wasn't sure what was eating at him, but I really hoped I could help him this time around. No.

That same day, when I walked him home, he wouldn't even look at me. When we made it back home, I tried to ask him what was going on.

“Tidus, what's wrong? You seem upset.”

He just walked away, like I wasn't even there, like I hadn't even said anything to him. He clearly needed some space, so I have him some time and started dinner. 

After Tidus's mother died, I found her old cook book. I decided to learn how to cook proper dinner courses. There was a recipe of mild curry in there, I thought Tidus might appreciate that. 

I wasn't quite sure how to make curry, it wasn't really that common of a dish in the culture of Spira, but it was a little something to try out for Tidus's sake. I saw it as a way for him to keep his mother close. 

Come to think of it, I had never seen curry before. Mine came out a reddish color. I had heard that curry came in different colors depending on the ingredients used, but I wasn't sure. I had to ask assistance from the only other person who's seen curry. The only other person in this house for that matter. 

“Tidus, can you come out for a minute?”

The boy came out rather reluctantly but he came at my beck and call. All though I got him to come out of his cave, his greeting wasn't nearly as pleasant.

“What do you want?”

I paused, I didn't want to say the wrong thing and trigger him father, it wasn't the right time to pray at his feelings either.

“Uh… does this look like curry to you?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I've never seen curry before in my life.”

“Then how are you making it?”

“I'm learning how to cook, so you don't have to eat sandwiches for the rest of your life.”

A grin formed on his face for a few short seconds, then he looked over at the counter, at the cook book. 

“What is that doing out?”

Following that question was a face of confusion and anger. 

“What's out?”

“My mom's cookbook! Why is it out?”

“I've been using it learn how to cook.”

“AND!? That doesn't give you the right to use her things!”

“I'm sorry, I don't know how else to cook.”

“Then stop! Your cooking’s terrible anyways!”

Hey turned to walk away, I had to ask him one last thing before he went back to his room. To confirm I was no longer in his good graces. 

“Are you going to eat?”

He looked at me and glared. 

“I don't want your stupid food.”

I stood there and listened long enough to hear his door shut behind him. Then I took the pot of failed food and tossed it into the garbage. No one was going to eat it anyways. I grabbed the house key of the kitchen counter, where I had left it since I had come home and went straight to cooking.

I looked the door behind me, I had a feeling he wouldn't let me in if I left the key, so I took it to be safe, and made my way to a minnie store around the corner. I bought a couple sandwiches for Tidus to eat, so he didn't starve tonight. I got home, set them on the table, and went towards his room. 

I knocked on the door to let him know they were there. It was not very fun.

“Tidus?”

“Go away!”

“There's sandwiches on the table, I'll leave alone now, I'll be in my room so you can come out whenever you feel ready.”

I didn't hear a reply from him, but I didn't care, I was emotionally beat. It seemed like every time I tried to do good, it would backfire right in my face, and for the night, I was tired of it. I had no desire left in me to fight this any longer. 

I had to start looking for pre made dishes, as I doubt he would ever let me pick up a cooking utensil again. two days late, he finally let up and told me what was wrong… while in a complete fit of rage. 

It seemed to start in the same place everytime. I was walking him home from school, but he was walking way too fast, and way too far from me.

“Would you slow down?”

He kept walking faster and faster. I grabbed him by the wrist. He retaliated by kicking where no man should be kicked. I of course ended up on the ground. 

He tried to kick me a second time, but I grabbed his foot. He growled at me as I got up. With his foot in hand, I got to the bottom of his anger. 

“Do you want to tell me what's wrong, instead of kicking me to oblivion?”

“IT'S YOU'RE FAULT ALL THE KIDS AT SCHOOL HATE ME!”

“What did I do this time?”

“YOU KILLED HER! YOU DID!”

Confusion formed on my face. I killed who? That’s not even a question. I didn't kill anyone. 

“Who did I kill, Tidus?”

“YOU KNOW WHO!”

“I really don't know.”

“MY MOTHER!”

“What are you talking about? What does that have to do with the kids at school?”

“THEY PICK ON ME! THEY CALL ME A LOSER AND A PATHETIC ORPHAN. THE TEACHERS EVEN TALK ABOUT IT! I'M NOT LIKE THE OTHER KIDS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A MOMMY AND DADDY! BECAUSE YOU KILLED MY MOMMY!”

“I didn't kill her, she -”

“She got worse when you came around! When you told her Jecht was dead!”

“He's right” I thought to myself. Maybe if I had stopped Jecht and Braska from going that day, I wouldn't be here and Tidus would have both his parents, Yuna would have her father, and I would have my two best friends back in my life. None of us would be alone. 

“Let's just go home, okay?”

“NO!”

“Tidus, I have to go home and clean, please?”

“Why are you still here even?”

“I made a promise to your parents.”

“Well maybe I don't want you here!”

“Okay Tidus, I can't leave now. But if you still want me gone in three years, that's the age you can legally live by yourself as long as there's someone checking up on you. Say the word and I'll leave.”

“Whatever.”

“He didn't fight me on going home after that,but I could tell that we were growing further apart. I thought that this might be a phase and after a few months he would grow out of it, go back to being the sweet kid I once knew. I was wrong. 

The day after he told me about the teasing school, I went straight to his teacher about it. I didn't think she was going to humiliate the boy in front of the whole class. 

She made him stand over by the chalk board. 

“Alright class, a little birdy told me that you aren't being very nice to one of your fellow classmates. Therefore I want all of you to take out a piece of paper and write an apology letter to Tidus.”

The whole class say that complaining before they finally got to their assignment. “Yes Miss Viella” echoed through the whole class. Tidus's face brought red. I left hoping the teacher had everything taken care of, but I couldn't have been anymore wrong. 

When I went to pick him up from school again, he wasn't there. I ran home as quickly as I could to make sure he was ok, sure enough to my relief, he was. 

Or at least I thought it was until he turned his face to me. His lip was cut and he had a black eye. He held in his hand a duct taped, flat blitzball that he was getting ready to repair.

“What happened?”

I went to him and tried to lift his chin with my hand to get a better look, but he pursued me away. 

“Well Auron, you just had to open your big fat mouth, didn't you?!”

“I just wanted to help.”

“Yeah, well with your help, another kid and his older brother beat me up, after that his older brother stabbed my blitz ball with a pocket knife. He said the next time I open my big, fat, loser mouth, I would end up like my ball, flattened and with a knife in me! Now I'll be lucky if I can fix my ball, if I can't, then there's no way I'll be able to practice!”

“Tidus, is there anything I can do?”

“Leave.”

“Leave.” That's all he wanted of me. U wondered where it all went wrong. If he hashed me more than his own father. No matter what I tried to do, It would never be good enough. 

I feel like a broken record when saying this, but the next day got worse. It was Saturday, so Tidus had been home all day. He did everything in his power to be as defiant as possible. He would find things to do that he knew I wouldn't approve of so he could defy me. 

It got so bad that he started starving himself, because he knew I wouldn't approve of it. Dinner time came around and I got fed up. I had to force feed him. I duct taped to his chair. 

“Auron! What are you doing!?”

“You are going to eat, even if it means I have to shove it down your throat.”

He bit me, so I bit him back, not hard enough to leave a mark, but just enough so he'd get the point. He drew blood. So I patched my self up with some brand new medical gauze. 

“LET ME GO!”

“You haven't eaten, once you eat I'll consider not hanging you up by your toenails for making me bleed.”

“Are you kidding me!?”

“So here's what's going to happen. You are going to eat all of this. I'm going to feed you myself so you don't try to escape. I'll release you when your done, and decide your punishment from there. If you spit it out even once, I'll hold your jaw shut until you slow your food. Are we clear?”

“Jerk!”

Oh yes! I'm the jerk for making you replenish your energy! Woe is you, now eat.”

Realizing any resistance was futile, he stopped fighting until I let him go. He again in the matter of two days, kicked me in between my legs. I guess he's learned the weak spot of a male. 

He ran into his room and slammed three door. He slammed the door. It was loud, it sent me into panic. Repressed memories came back to me for a second time. I fell to the floor. Everything came back to me. The blood, the spit, the tears, uttered words in the distance, mouth movements.

All this going on for what seemed like days. Weeks even. Finally a tiny hand shook me back to reality. It was Tidus, standing there, covered in blood, trembling. I looked at my wrists to see that I had bit and scratched myself bloody. I saw his black eye, not remembering where it had come from. 

I was terrified, shaken to the core. Did I hurt him?

“Tidus? What happened? A-Are you ok?  
Did I… hurt you?”

“He wiped his tears away, then smiled at me. It was the forest time in a few days that I'de seen him smile. I smiled back. He spoke to me comforting words. 

“I'm fine, are you back to normal now?”

“Yeah, I'm ok. I need to patch myself up, but I'll be fine.”

“Let me go get the duct tape!”

“Wait! I've got-”

He was gone before I could finish my sentence. 

“Bandages.”

Oh well, it's a bonding experience, I'll take it.

I wasn't quite sure, but things were starting to look up for me. The calm after the storm, they say. Funny how a child's grin can turn everything around, even if it's just a little while. I'll take that. 

Chapter 2 end

Chapter 3 coming soon.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Hello, my name is Tidus, I am a patient under Dr. Leonard. I started therapy two weeks ago on demand of my legal guardian. So that my therapist has a better understanding of my life and why I am currently emotionally fucked up, I am supposed to write a whole paper on my daily life from the day that the depression developed to now. 

I was ten when I started having these feelings. It was a December morning, I didn’t even want to get out of bed, of course Auron being him, came in that morning. Thinking I was still asleep, he came into my room to wake me up, told me I needed to get dressed quick, that I would be late to school. He offered to make me breakfast, but I declined. I wasn’t very hungry. This began to worry him, so being concerned for my mental and physical health, he asked me if I was ok.

“Tidus, is everything alright? You’re normally hungry in the mornings.”

I don’t know what came over me. I yelled at him. He didn’t really even do anything, I just was angry, depressed, my mind had been all over the place. It had been six months since he had moved out. We got into a really bad argument the day I turned ten, so he honored his promise he made to me when I was seven. He left a little while after the fact. He comes over at least once a day to make sure I’m taken care of for the day, this bringing forward cold December morning’s events.

“I’m fine, I’m just not hungry this time around, is there a problem with that!?”

“No, I was just expressing a concern I had.”

“I’m fine Auron, just leave already! I don’t need you holding my hand everywhere!”

“... Alright, I’m going then. Make sure you eat something today.”

“Auron!”

“Yes?”

“Go!’

“I’m going, have a good day.”

“ Whatever.”

I had started little league blitz tournaments my third grade year, the only thing on my mind was to make it through the day, get to practice, and maybe my day would lighten up. I was wrong. I had just felt like my whole day was getting worse. The coach bitched at me because I wasn’t playing at my best. I got put on the sidelines during the practice game because I wasn’t quite able to crack a smile, I had no idea that I was in such a rough condition.

I thought maybe to myself that I should have eaten. I didn’t feel like taking the lunch that Auron packed for me before he walked out, so I just left it, so I didn’t have lunch that day. Actually I’m not going to lie about this. I’m going to put my feelings on this page in honest words. I was mad at Auron. Just his presence made me mad, I figured I would starve myself as a form of rebellion. I wanted to see how Auron would react.

I got what I wanted. The coach asked what the problem was. He asked me to be honest. That’s where I made a mistake. I wanted desperately to be on the coach’s good side. I wanted to be the one he would give the blitz scholarship to. It was a huge deal to get one of these. It meant you were the best blitzer there, and making a career out of it would automatically become a breeze.

“ Tidus, I want you to be honest with me. You seem a little out of it today, what’s wrong?”

“ I don’t know coach. It’s just been a rough day.”

“ Can you think back on anything that may have caused you to have a bad day like this?”

“ I don’t know… I didn’t eat today… I wonder if that’s it.”

“ Didn’t you eat lunch today?”

“ I didn’t bring one.”

“ Why not?”

The truth began to jumble, and I said whatever I could to keep the coach happy.

“ N-no one woke me up in time, so I didn’t have time to make one?’

This landed me in the office at the end of the day. They called Auron up, saying that they needed to have a parent teacher confrence. Auron was there thirty minutes later. He had a smile on his face, trying to present himself in a more positive manner. It wasn’t very often you would see this man smile, but then was one of those time. I remember it clear as day, for when the coach stated some accusations of ill parenting on Auron’s part, it turned into a raw death glare directed at both me and the coach.

“Well, you’ve been called up because there has been some minor issues at home with him not waking up on time, and not eating lunch or breakfast. So tell me Sir., what exactly are you doing in the mornings that is causing you issues?”

“ I don’t know, tell me how this came about.”

“ I asked you first.”

“ Well, if you are going to make accusations of me starving my child, I would at least like to know what kind of evidence you supposedly have to back this up.”

“ I never said that.”

“ No Sir, but you are very much so implying by the way you phrased it.”

“ Your son has not eaten breakfast or lunch. He claims that he wasn’t woken up on time, and because of this had no time to make himself lunch or breakfast.”

Auron turned back to me, he smiled again, but more in a way like “ Your ass is toast when we get home” sorta way. Auron then re positioned his face in a more professional manner, right before he began to speak again.

“I’ll have you know, I offered to make him breakfast before he left, but said he wasn’t feeling good. I urged him to stay home, but he refused, said he couldn’t miss the big practice today. He wasn’t coughing, and he didn’t have a fever, so I saw no point in making him stay home if he was that eager to go in the first place. As for lunch, I packed one for him, he must have forgotten it. Did I wake him up late, yes, but that was because I forgot to set my clock back early, the batteries died while I was out and about, and by the time I noticed, the clock had already been dead for an hour. Now that you have kept my son from dinner, I shall be taking him back home and preparing it late. Is there anything else we need to discus Sir?”

The coach and principal both looked astonished by how broadly he expressed his irritation for pulling him out here and accusing him. That was my fault but still. However, the sly bastard fought fire with fire. I slandered his image by some little white lies, but he recovered it with a couple more little white lies. I never said I was sick. I said I wasn’t hungry. He didn’t urge me to do anything, I did the urging, and it was to get him out of my house.

He took me back home and didn’t say a word to each other the whole way. When we got back, I made the stupid decision of asking him what was for dinner. He looked at me like I just swatted him with a newspaper. He returned gunfire.

“ I’m going home and making me some curry, you can eat the lunch you never took.”

“ Oh wow, I’m so heart broken. I’ll make sure to throw up every ounce of that disgusting crud up, way to go Auron. You’re encouraging bulimia.”

“Go ahead.”

My face began to fill with shock? Did he just tell me to “Go ahead” on the topic of becoming a bulimic?

“What? I couldn’t hear you.”

“That look on your face says differently. Go ahead, you can try, but I won’t work, I think I’ll be staying here tonight. If you think I’m going to let you develop an eating disorder on my watch, you would be wrong. If you’re sneaky enough to get away with it, then I guess you win, but you won’t, that’s the problem. I’ll be watching over you till you’ve completely digested it.”

“No, no your not, we had a deal!”

“The deal was that I would let you live on your own, when you are old enough. What you’re pulling is immature, and if you start, I won’t treat you like your age, I’ll start living with you, watching over you again like a little kid if that’s what it takes to make sure you grow to be healthy. You’ve got today to eat it, if you don’t, I'm moving back in, and I’ll force feed it to you. If you throw it up, I will move back in, and you will see a therapist for your new found eating disorder. If you eat like a good little boy and keep it down, I’ll let you be. But you pull another stunt like you did at school today, I won’t think twice about moving back. Are we clear?”

I didn’t want to comply, but I did. I wasn’t about to have him living with me again, it was bothersome the first time around, I wasn’t about to go through it a second time. My life continued to spiral downwards. My depression would continue to grow, and by the time I hit fifth grade, I was crying myself to sleep at night. Along with the growth of my depression, came with Auron’s estrangement. We grew further and further apart. I saw him in the mornings as usual, but we never talked.

He would make sure there was food in the house, that breakfast was made and a lunch packed, enough toiletries, then he would walk out without a word. When my birthday came around, he snuck in while I was at school and left a present on the table with a birthday card. That was about all I would hear from him. That same day, in a fit of rage, I trashed the gift.

I was enraged, a birthday card!? That’s the only thing he can say to me, and it’s not even in person! “Happy Birthday” to hell with my birthday, where’s a goddamn family when you need them? I was bipolar when it came to the topic of Auron. I wanted him around when he wasn’t there, but when he was, I was ready to get rid of him. Now that I think of it, I was acting really ridiculous back then. 

It wouldn’t be long before I would have hit middle school, and let me tell you, that opened a whole new world for me. I was hanging out with some buddies, but we ended up getting mixed up into the group of hardcore punks, otherwise known as angel trash. Torn jeans,self piercings, excessive amounts of hair dye, self made tattoos, constantly playing gothic punk music, and most importantly humanoid gateways to alcohol. My friends changed their appearance completely after months of being entangled with them, you wouldn’t have been able to tell that they were at one point something other than the trash pack themselves. I only met half way.

I was the kid with blonde hair, bright blue eyes, that clashed with his black bandana, and copper steampunk goggles, along with whatever trash attire I could get ahold of. The guys would call me hybrid, and the girls would call me hybrid cutie, of course though, I had to keep this seperate from my world with the blitz league, I had just moved onto the middle league. The leagues work like the school system. Little league, you’re at the bottom of the food chain, but you get the benefit of being treated like a helpless creature. Big league. The training is ruthless, but comes with pride and respect. The middle league, they get stepped on by the big kids like the little league, but they get harder training like the big league.

I loved that I was so different though. I represented multiple breeds of middle and high schoolers. I was the jock and the loser, the cute guy and the ugly guy. I ruled a world of punks and hood rats, and I ruled a world of sport and career goals. Despite the many things looking up for me, I still had my mind in that dark fold where nobody bothered to look for three years. That’s where the angel trash came in. 

The trash pack themselves often got a hold of my antidote from other older, former members of the pack. Those who had access to booze and drugs, were often on the top of the food chain, simply because they had what everybody wanted. Me and my buddies were often getting drunk once I had finally found away around my appearance when it came to being hung over. No one noticed because I had it so well disguised, Auron never noticed because he was never really there. I had become pretty good at the disguise I had put up for my friends. They always had it in the back of their mind that I was drinking for fun. It was really to numb the pain that I felt constantly.

Finally, I hit thirteen. Everything remained the same. I was getting drunk, I even got myself into a couple of drugs, but it didn’t last long, for I pulled something really stupid. It was when I finally understood what had been eating at me for the past three years, that I chose to do this. I had a rough day. I nabbed a bottle of booze from the small stash the pack had, and went home early that day. No one said anything, they just let me go. It’s like they could smell the sadness off of me. It’s sad to think about them, but I’m sure a percentage of them were like me, so they knew what was going on, and they knew I needed the comfort of a bottle, what they didn’t know is how far I would take it.

The next day, I decided to stay home and drink away my misery, I cleared the whole bottle, it was weak booze, it wasn’t enough to do any real harm, just knock me on my ass. A shame. I thought. A crying shame. I went to the bathroom, stripped down, and climbed into the bath. I soaked for a bit, going deeper into my mind, still intoxicated. I looked over at the razor on the sink counter. I broke apart the razer and took out one of the blades. I just was too exhausted to go on with this. I was tired of sleepless nights, crying without a sound being heard, clinging onto this little heap of flesh and bones they called life. I wonder… was this how my mother felt before she took her life? Mom never told me, Jecht was never there, and Auron wouldn’t know either, not like he would give a damn.

That last phrase. Not giving a damn. It slipped through my mind the moment the blade slipped through my wrist. One cut, two, was never there, three four, never told me, five six, wouldn’t know either, not like he would give a damn anyways. Seven cuts, why the hell am I out of booze? Eight, nine, ten. It’s occurred to me that I’ve missed second period already. Eleven, twelve. He should be getting calls for my absence. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, better end this quick. Sixteen. Someone’s pounding at the door. Seventeen, someone’s yelling to open up, it’s Auron. Eighteen, I’ve realized the problem now. It is him. Auron. I never wanted him gone, I wanted the guilt gone. I treated him like hell, when all he ever did was care for me. I just abused him. He put his own physical comfort before me. It occurs to me that he doesn’t actually have a home, does he?

Nineteen, he was hurt, he should have gone to the hospital, but he didn’t. He stayed because he was scared that it would backfire on me. He tried to learn how to cook so that I could eat decent, he walked me to school everyday to make sure I was safe, and when I got sick of him, he left when I wanted him to. I don’t deserve to live.

Twenty. Twenty cuts, ten per wrist. The door has been busted down. Auron sees me their bleeding. He forces the blade out of my hand. I’m done. Tears fill his eyes. He grabs wash clothes from the towel cabinet and begins to hold them to my wrists. He keeps begging “Why?” over and over.

“Where did it all go wrong?”

The words left his throat. His voice was shaky. He then directed his words towards me.

“Why did you do this? Why didn’t you tell me something was wrong? We could have gotten you help. We could have done’ something.”

The only thing I could seem to get out was…

“Why?”

“Why? What do you mean why?”

I let everything I held on to for so long out.

“How can you even care about me? I’ve put you through so much hell in the course of six years! There hasn’t been a day when I haven't treated you like shit, with the exception of days I’ve pushed you away, and yet here you are, saving me? Or is this because you promised my father, and you’re afraid to disappoint my father?”

His tears quickly turned into sharp anger.

“You idiot! I’m here because I care about you! You aren’t just my best friend’s son anymore, you are my family! I forgive you! I always have, and I always will.”

“So you don’t hate me? You don’t regret coming here?”

“No, of course not!, the only thing I regret was leaving you alone as long as I have. It doesn’t matter right now. We need to get you to a hospital.”

I passed out on the hospital bed, I had lost too much blood, they had to do a blood transfusion on me. They didn’t have my blood type, but I got real lucky when Auron offered to donate. He told them that he had O. type, so he was able to donate to anyone who needed it. I didn’t realized how scared I had made Auron. When I finally woke up after the procedure, it had already become night, I found Auron laying his head on one arm, the other with his hand in mine. When he woke up the next morning, I saw the bandage. When I asked him what happened, the doctor who was in the room stepped in and said he donated blood for the transfusion. Obviously I thanked him. Auron unfortunately started having side effects from that night. He would often have nightmares about the whole incident, which made me feel worse.

I told him that he should go see a therapist, but instead he just looked at me. He paused for a couple of seconds, right before sighing.

“ Okay Tidus, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll see a therapist, but you have to as well.”

“ Deal!”

Henceforth this essay. So that’s my story of my three years of severe depression. Since then I’ve stopped hanging with the angel trash, I’ve sworn off booze entirely. I promised Auron that I would let him take me out for my twenty-one run, but after that, I’m abstaining entirely. Me and Auron have kept my little suicide attempt quiet from the coach. We told him that I had a bad fever that day, and to be safe, we had to go to the hospital. So I’m still at the top of my league. Since all of this, Auron has moved back in, and we’ve been taking shifts on cooking dinner. Since he’s moved back though, and I’ve said what I need to say, I feel a lot better. I’ve got one year left of middle league, and I’ll be on my way to the top of the big league. I will strive to be the best, and with love and support from my guardian, you know what? I’m feeling adventurous. I have no reason to be ashamed of it. My dad. With support from him, I can become what I want to be, I know I can.

End of Chapter.

Chapter 4 coming soon.


	4. Chapter 4:

Chapter 4

Day 1 of Tidus's journal.  
Hey, Tidus here, as par the course of my therapy, I have to write in a journal. All sorts of fun, but hey, I made a promise. If Auron is to stick to his, I need to stick to mine. This is day 1 of my journal, and I'm happy to say the the two days of therapy are doing something. I don't expect to make serious progress in such a short amount of time, but any progress works for me. I think the huge part of my problem was the loneliness. I always told Auron how much I hated him, and I didn't even bat an eyelash until after he left. I didn't realize how much I actually needed him. We were both alone, but sought out comfort in each other's presence. I guess it's one of those things that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I learned that the hard way, and it nearly costed me my life. As for Today, well let's say I'm up pretty late. For some reason, Auron's night terrors have become more and more common. He had one just about half an hour ago. It's hard to imagine. A tough guy like him waking me with his blood curdling screams, me running into the room to find him sobbing into his pillow. His terrors had become tame over the years, but when they did hit, he was a wreck. Now with him having them more and more often, it amazes me that he hasn't lost his sanity yet. Sometimes I offer to stay with him. Sometimes he declines, sometimes he's such a wreck that he gladly takes the offer. Tonight unfortunately, I was declined. Of course I told him to talk to his therapist about it, and he did. I asked him about what the therapist told him, but he would always tell me, "It's between me and my therapist, you're on a need to know basis. This is something you don't need to know." I'm honestly pretty concerned about his well being. It's quite a shame he won't actually tell me anything, although I fear that I may know what the problem is. What happened to me had him pretty damn shook. The whole time in the hospital, Auron refused to leave my side. There were sometimes where the nurses and doctors had to threaten to call the security on him. He tried to not to let that get to him, but the nurse insisted that was the best option as she had the thought that if the guards had to wrestle him out of the room, that it might cause a lot of stress on me, and I had to agree. I didn't want him to get wrestled to the ground because of him. Auron had to agree with the nurse, even when he didn't want to leave. The following day, when they released me from the hospital, Auron went as far as to stick all blades in one cabinet, and locked it up with heavy duty chain and lock. He was not messing around.

Safe to say after the event, he was left utterly terrified for my safety, and the memory of me in a bloody bathtub traumatized him. One day, he decided to go and get some ingredients so that he could make dinner for us both that night. He asked me what I wanted dinner that night. 

" I want curry."  
" I thought you didn't like curry. that's why I never made it for you, isn't it?"  
" No, It was because I told you to stop using mom's cook book. But truth be told, I want to try your curry. Make up for lost time of spicy goodness."

A smile perked up on his face.  
" Well fine then. I'll make you your curry. Spicy or mild?"  
" Noob, I just said spicy!"  
" Patience. It's a virtue."  
" Yeah, yeah, whatever old man. Just hurry back with the stuff."

He left, and I was left bored. I decided to be a kind child, and do some dishes while he was out. All was going well until he walked in. Apparently he wasn't' to fond of me doing dishes while my wrists were still healing.  
"What are you doing?"  
"I was just washing the dishes. I figured I would help."

I had a cup in my hand when this happened, and I dropped it. I didn't realize that it had shattered. I tried to grab it out of the sink, and cut myself. I winced at the pain, and pulled my finger out to reveal a fountain of blood. Auron's first reaction was to flinch at the sight of blood coming from my body. He then got pale and started freaking out.   
"I'll go get a towel!"

When he ran towards the bathroom, oblivious to the towl sitting right next to me, that I reluctantly grabbed. It was just a small cut on the finger, he ended up running into a wall.  
"Ow."  
"Are you okay in there?"

I ran to aid him. He turned to me to see a towel already wrapped around my hand, and some relief washed over him. SOME relief. He than began to panic about going back to the hospital.  
"Man, it's just a cut on the finger."  
"That's a lot of blood."  
"How do you figure? Or did you forget-"

Smooth Tidus, smooth. He just stared blankly at me, pretending I didn't just say that."  
" Uuuh, forget I just said that. It's nothing a bandage won't fix. No need to be "that" parent."  
" What parent?"  
" You know, that parent that freaks out about every little injury and takes the kid to the hospital. Look man, the hospital should not know us on first name basis."  
" Valid point, just make sure to put peroxide on, you know, everything."  
" Yeah man. Okay."

Sure the event was kind of funny, however his reaction, not so much. Anyways, other than the night terrors that poor Auron had, the day was actually pretty nice. Now that I'm not alone anymore. I'm a little embarrassed to say this because of how girly and weird it sounds, but I'm actually very happy.  
End of Day 1 of Journal.

Day 1 of Auron's Journal.  
I'm a little embarrassed to say this because of how feminine and odd this sounds, but I'm actually really happy. Aside from one really embarrassing event, It was all good. This morning I went to the market to get some groceries. Interestingly enough, I ran into Tidus's sixth grade teacher. A little bit of a back story to her. She may have had a little bit of a crush on me. Okay, no, I'm going to be really blunt about this. She want's to get me in bed. That's just fact. I'm a little flattered ofcourse, but mostly disturbed. Don't get me wrong, she's a very attractive lady, but I can't begin to imagine fornicating with someone who has to tell my son to stop flinging spit balls on a daily basis. I will have to admit that I've been called up to the school for that in the past. Her being the youngest divorcee that anyone has ever seen, and wanting an older man, and also her may or may not wanting to as the modern day teenage slang referres to as wanting to, "jump my bone," made things very difficult yet easy at the same time. In other words, he got off with a don't do it again, and a parent phone call because she wanted to see if she could slip a little something down my pocket, along the lines of a piece of paper with her number on it, with a side note that says,"Feel free to call day or night." She did by the way. I've never once called that number. Now to get back on track, I saw her at the grocery market, and damn, did she waste no time on getting right up on me. Her shirt was of course really low cut, standard for a single, attractive, and really horny middle aged woman. I had a bit of an amature moment. I saw full on cleavage, and got excruciatingly red. Enough for a small stream of red to run down my nose, and also onto her, which by the way is legit thing. the veins in the nose are very fragile, and hot weather, and or hot body temp can cause a nose bleed, I've read into this. She freaked out at the site, as did I, and she ran off. As happy as I was that the event was over with, and as happy as I was to be able to avoid such an awkward situation, I don't think that spewing rivers of crimson out of my nose is an appropriate means of relationship dodging. If Jecht and Braska could see me right now, I would have no doubt in the back of my mind that they would be laughing at me. I would probably be laughing along with them, but then again, I probably wouldn't be around to have taken part in this moment. I cleaned myself up in the nearest bathroom, got my groceries, and left.

People looked at me weirdly however. Of all days to have a nose bleed, I happen wearing a white t-shirt for the sake of keeping it casual. That's all the cashier could stare at, was the medium sized, crimson spot on my shirt. That was a lovely discussion to have wit Tidus when I got home.

"Bruh. What happened to your shirt?  
" ... Someone had a nose bleed, and I tried to help them."

Okay, so I lied to him, he didn't need to know that his 6th grade teacher was making sexual advances towards me.

" Oh, what a hero."   
" Anyways, what do you want for dinner? I'm not feeling creative, so my ideas are dry."  
" I can fix that."

This is where the magic began to kick in. Tidus started rummaging through the storage room (His mom's old room.) When he walks carrying a heavy, bulking, cook book. Sure it brought back a few negative emotions and memories, like when he was seven and wouldn't look at me for a few days for using the same cook book. 

"Use this."  
"A-are you sure?"  
"Why do you looked so shocked man?"  
"You've never let me touch this book."  
"That was years ago, I don't know why you would think that it would be this way now."  
"I guess you're right."

Dinner tasted horrible, just really horrible. It tasted like burnt egg shells. Don't ask me why I know what that tastes like. I just do. It was supposed to be rice balls, for one, I forgot to put the filling in, the filling was gross anyways, and I burnt the rice. That night we had my second signature dish. Not curry, but sandwiches. The bonding experience however was amazing. I felt so close to him, and made me extremely happy. I had never felt so at home before. We watched a movie afterwards. It was a horror movie, and of course without thinking, Tidus picks the most gory movie he could find possible. I don't hold it against him, but still. With what I've seen in my days, Braska's death, his mother's, his attempted suicide, blood and gore made me a little faint hearted. I would get a little shaky around it, but I did my best to hide my discomfort. I focused on how much of a good time we were both having. I just stared at him whenever someone got hacked to pieces. I would be lying if I wasn't up a little late because of that movie, but I guess it's for the best, or else I wouldn't have remembered to write in my journal. I hope Tidus remembered to write in his. It's late. I should sleep.   
End of Journal entry 1.

Day 19, Tidus's journal.  
The coach has been really hounding my ass about preparing for the Big league. It won't be long before the members of The Zanarkand Abes start looking into new players to replace the ones who are retiring. I guess I have a good enough reason to bust my rear for what's to come. Who knows, if I'm lucky, I can skip out of big league and go straight to the Abes. Auron's been a huge help. I've had to skip out on dinner duties this past week because I'm just so damn exhausted from practice. He's even gone as far as to help me out with my homework, clean the house, and set up a hot bath for me. Definitely something I need by the end of practice. I feel so bad sometimes. He's practically been wiping my ass this whole week, not counting the fact that he's been trying to get past some struggles himself. I didn't realize how much of a badass he is. When he's not taking care of me and the house, he's out on the deck of the boat house with his giant friggin sword. He get's so mad when he doesn't do something right, which I've never understood why. His moves are so slick and professional. It's like he's swung that sword before, like he's killed something with it before. I remember one time he got so angry that he threw the thing, not paying attention to where it was going. I happened to be watching at the time, and it barely missed my head. I've never really heard him curse before, besides the occasional damn and hell, and ass, but that day he let loose. He called himself fucking trash before he threw it, and then when he turned to see it lodged into the exterior of the boat, and me just merely inches from it, she lost it.  
"OH SHIT! ARE YOU OKAY?!"  
" Yeah, I'm fine, just watch where you fling that thing!"  
" I'm so sorry."  
He spent the next hour flipping his shit and beating himself up about it. I mean yeah, he did nearly accidentally killed me, but still. I wish he wouldn't beat himself up so much. My day is pretty good when I'm not overwhelmed with level of practice that takes place, and when Auron isn't chucking swords at my head. Lol, if Auron read this right now, he would be glaring a hole into my forehead! Sunny days, Ice tea, and hot girls with nice tans. You know it's a good day when the juniors are looking at an 8th grader like me like I'm the next big thing on their wall and in their beds, maybe even in there dreams. Nothing better than youth and hormones. Speaking of hot chicks, and horny guys, apparently Auron lied about the grocery store incident from less than three weeks ago. The sixth graders have been spreading that rumor like it's the plague for the past week, since someone let it slip when they weren't supposed to. Something about this older gentleman with long salt and pepper hair, a scar on his eye, and a pair of sunglasses got real bright in the face when surprise surprise, my old sixth grade teach got real personal with him, hanging off of him, trying to slide her hand towards the holy spot of all men. What you use to tell apart a man and a boy. He also started bleeding waterfalls worth of blood on himself and her, (Hints the red spot that was on his shirt.) She ran out of the store crying because of the level of disgust. It sucks, she would have been a great step mom. That and it would make the high schoolers who know of her and drool over her hella jealous. Reminds me of the time when I was still involved with the Angel Trash/Trash pack. One of the members was a high schooler, and he would not stop talking about how hot she was. He got really pissy with me when I told him that she was into older men.

" You don't know that bro!"  
"Uh, yeah I do."  
"And how do you know that? Huh?"  
" She hit's on my legal guardian. She's already tried once to fuck him, and get's wet whenever he's around. She's like a fucking dog in heat."  
Anyways, back to the over dramatic 6th graders. They're proof of changing times. I didn't know a single, nor do I to this day who got knocked up in 6th grade. There's five who are knocked up this year, and last year there was one. One his way too many let alone five. That's not counting the one who moved away, because she got it on with one of the teachers. He's been fired since then of course, but she was a willing participant, as the teacher who caught the two heard giggling from both of them in the back of the school, he also happened to be the father. That's sounds just amazing (Sarcasm) A whopping check to pay for child support every month to go with that unemployment. I personally didn't know any of the girls who got knocked up, just more that I've heard of them. There on the top of the list of girls you really want to avoid when you're trying to maintain a serious relationship, because they do fuck other girl's guys. That's how one of them got knocked. She also got the shit beat out of her when the guy's girlfriend found out about it. That girl would have gotten into some serious trouble had it not been for the fact that she didn't know that the girl was pregnant. Teenager stuff I guess. I told Auron about it, and he was utterly shocked. I've never seen a jaw drop like that.  
" I've heard of 17 year olds having kids, but never 12 and 13 year olds."  
"Same here, and one of them was 11."  
"That's weird even for me who grew up in an area where people have kids at an early age."  
"Yeah, why is that?"  
"Let's just say that the life span there isn't great."  
"Is that why you got old so fast?"  
"Ha ha, real funny."  
When I think over that conversation we had, it makes me wonder where he met Jecht. I had never even met Auron until after my father's passing. Was he visiting Zanarkand for the fun of it? Was there are point in time where Jecht left Zanarkand, and then ran into Auron there? They got all buddy buddy, and went and had a drink together? Kept in touch after words? It's still a mystery to this day. Not like I'm complaining. He's certainly an improvement to old man asshole. Wow. I just realized that I am totally off topic. It's kinda hard when you don't have much to talk about, I guess. It's literally been wake up, eat, go to school, go to classes, eat at school, go to more classes, go to practice, go home, eat, bathe, do homework, repeat. This whole week. That's part of the reason I'm missing a few entries. I feel pretty good though. I still have problems with crying myself to sleep, but I usually talk to Auron about it. He stays up with me, or we go out into the living room, and put on a movie, and he falls asleep right there next to me. It seems like it's hard for him to talk to me about these things sometimes, but he's amazing at listening. Sometimes we don't even talk, he just puts his hand on my shoulder while I bawl my eyes out, or he gives me a hug and kinda just holds me there. Unlike old man dick head, who would just emotionally abuse me whenever I felt hurt. Anyways, I'm pretty beat. I think I'll just wrap this one up for the night.   
End of Journal Entry, Day 19.

Auron's journal, Day 19.  
Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I'm losing it, just simply losing it! It's occured to me that as unusual as they are, Fiends are still a problem in Zanarkand. My skills with my katana are so unbelievably, and I've noticed that I've also become more hot headed when it comes down to practicing. I got so pissed that I nearly lopped Tidus's head off by throwing the katana at the wall. Definitely not my brightest moment. I used to be so good with a sword, but now I feel like I've lost years worth of practice. I feel inadequate. All of this because of my eyes. It's really hard to deal with the fact that I can only see out of one eye. I didn't realize until now just how much it has affected me. I thought that after I got used only being able to use one eye that everything would be okay and that everything would be back to normal for me, but it's not. It was hidden behind this facade of normality, but It's far from it. It's not hard to start practicing again, it's finding the will power as I feel that I've taken so many steps backwards. I'm not learning anything new or old. I'm just not learning. It seams like my efforts of becoming better are just simply futile. I hate this so much. I'm still having horrible dreams, and I feel terrible when Tidus comes in. I don't think he notices it when it happens, but my screams ring through the house, Tidus and comes running in. When he comes running in, a huge wave of guilt consumes me. He doesn't know it, but he cries when he finds me there sobbing. He cries when I'm weak. I can't be weak around him, but I can't help but let everything in out in one huge sob from which come with the ringing death mutters of everyone I hold dear. I hate that I've ever made him believe that I hated him. I just wanted him to be happy, and here I am worrying him. I love him like my own son, and he has to witness the weak side of me. I'm so tire of being weak. I think I'll continue my practice. That will make me stronger. Not giving up is a sign of strength depending on the situation. I will do good on his part. I will make sure he's well protected, fed well, happy, and entertained. I'll feel better knowing he's thriving. He's so happy when I'm happy. I'm so happy when he's happy. I guess we're one heart connected by two souls in a sense. You know, with every drink, this is becoming entertaining to write. Ah yes, telling the dramatic story of my shitty life. Ooo! I know what to do tomorrow! I'll get the stuff to make him a cake! He loves cake! Who doesn't love cake! It's sweet goodness. Speaking of that. I made Tidus some curry a while ago. It was kind of funny because he ate it, and then began to cry. I thought he liked it at first but then. Wow, I'm really drunk! He sput it up because apparently it was too spicy. I guess I kinda forgot that he doesn't eat things on the scale of spice that i do. For now on, I have to make mild curry, so that I don't over kill it for him. He told me that other than the unneccessary kick at the end, it tasted pretty good. I had to make him something else, but it was all good. I'm really tired and don't want to write this, but I don't know how many paragraphs Tidus's essay needs, and I don't want him to turn this in looking like crap. Wait, why am I even doing this little shit's homework for him? That little punk! Wait a second, this isn't his essay! Wow, I'm really drunk! im suprised that any of this is coherneted. I'm so good at speeling. Shit. I spel that wrong. I seriously need to put this up before I drink it all. Do you want to hear a drunk joke, I mean funny joke? A vampire welks- (Incoherent scribbles.)   
P.S. I'm writing this small portion in the next day. I'm so sorry ahead of time. Damn was I drunk, and damn am I hung over.  
End of Journal, day 19.

End of Chapter.

Chapter 5 coming soon.


End file.
